We Gotta Laugh Anyway
We Gotta Love Anyway
My Truth in 2 Albums
I poured my entire soul into this project. It’s the honest story of surviving trauma, addiction, loss, and severe narcolepsy that leaves me unconscious most of the day. It’s not fake positivity — it’s real hope. Life can be absolutely brutal… but no matter how hard it gets, we can still find reasons to laugh, create, and love life anyway.
Moonverse Sirens
The Moonverse Sirens are my wild, chaotic, beautiful escape. While Moonverse Rebel is my raw, personal music, the real story of trauma, addiction, narcolepsy, crashes, and still choosing to laugh anyway, the Moonverse Sirens are the unhinged, colorful, larger-than-life goddesses who live in the same universe.They're my creative playground. Twelve incredibly different, powerful, seductive, and often ridiculous women who fight, flirt, twerk, argue, support each other, and drag me into all kinds of trouble. They represent the fun, the fantasy, the rebellion, and the joy that keeps me going even on the hardest days.In short, Moonverse Rebel is my truth, and the Moonverse Sirens are the beautiful, chaotic medicine I take so I can keep telling the truth. They're two sides of the same moon. Welcome to the family.
Ghetto Playground
Childhood in a strict religious home. At just eight years old, I was thrown into a rough ghetto school where I was beaten almost every day. Gangs surrounded me, and one day they put a knife to my throat. Sheltered, terrified, and completely out of place in this world.
Riches To Chemical Highs
The wild descent. Starting drugs at 11, selling large amounts by my mid-teens, becoming the guy everyone cheered for when he walked into the party. Thinking I was invincible — standing up to arms dealers, running from cops, multiple overdoses, including eating 27 ecstasy pills laced with heroin and somehow surviving. Then discovering heroin on Bourbon Street in New Orleans.
Kingdom In The Sky
Redemption era. Becoming a Christian, volunteering endlessly, becoming a head chef, raising my sister’s kids, marrying, building a power couple life while taking care of my mom through 12 years of cancer.
Castles on the Sand
The slow collapse. Health failing, bipolar swings, severe narcolepsy taking over, marriage falling apart, everything I built crumbling while I tried to save everyone else.
Devils Blues ( Manic to Fentanyl)
The Moment I lost Everything, I attempted one last time to show that I could carry the world in an Extreme Manic Episode which ended with suicide. Fortunately the Story continued, but barely
Vegvisir & Valkyrie Rising
The healing road trip. Driving across 23 states in my Valkyrie van, facing every version of my younger self, rescuing the lost parts of my soul — until the near-death moment trapped under a boulder in an Idaho river.
Luna on The Moon
The turning point. The topless moon lady tattoo that changed everything. The decision to stop hiding who I am. North Dakota darkness, raids, losing my sister to jail, and finally returning to Washington.
Moonverse Rising
Where I am now. Completely disabled by narcolepsy (unconscious 22 hours a day), doctors failing me, still creating music, comedy, and the Moonverse every single day in my small windows of wakefulness. Still fighting. Still laughing anyway.
Ghetto PlaygroundRain taps like nervous fingers on the glass…Little prayers dissolving in the dark…Glass house glowing under Washington grayScripture on the walls where the sunlight couldn’t stayMama’s arms were iron, Daddy’s voice was flame“Love you till it hurts, boy — that’s the only way”Eight years old, thoughts like fire in my veinsChurch called it poison, said I carried shameDemons in the quiet, hell inside my nameSo I buried every feeling, learned to hide the painThen the screaming cracked the ceiling, love turned into warPastor lost his pulpit, found whiskey on the floorEverything I trusted started breaking at the seamsA little boy still kneeling, chasing broken dreamsI was the boy behind the veilWrapped in holy fire, buried under the haleThey threw me to the wolves with a smile and a prayerTen years old, knife cold against my neckPlayground turned to battlefield, no mercy, no respectEvery punch behind my skull rewrote me — tell me, God, am I still there?Second grade in the ghetto, they smelled the different on my skinChubby church kid stumbling where the gang beatings would beginCircles closing tighter, laughter sharp as bladesThreats to burn my family if I ever spoke their namesBlood on my sneakers, fear wrapped round my throatEvery hallway a trapdoor, every bell a warning noteI stopped running, started swinging, fighting with anger at the wheelA quiet soul exploding — learning how to steal back what I could no longer feelNo more tears in public, just the quiet in my chestA child turned gladiator, fighting was just the first testThe world didn’t care about my bedtime prayersIt only saw the weakness — and it met me thereI was the boy behind the veilWrapped in holy fire, buried under the haleThey threw me to the wolves with a smile and a prayerTen years old, death on my throat like a ropeLearned to fight before I learned to hopeGod if You can hear me… pull me from this nightmareBridgeThey said the outside world was full of sin…Turns out it was honest, nobody let me inNo pretend hugs, no velvet liesJust fists and rain and truth beneath the skiesWas I born wrong… or just born wide open?I don’t want your fearI don’t want your chainsI was only trying to be lovedIn a world that taught me shameYeah I was the boy behind the veilNow the glass is shattered, but the spirit doesn’t failFrom the knife at my throat to the fire in my handsThis broken little soldier still believes he’ll standWatch me rise… watch me roar…Something beautiful is breaking through the warStill breathing…Still here…Behind the veil… the boy disappears…
Riches to Chemical HighsFrom the knife at my throat to the lights in my eyesI traded broken prayers for chemical highs…World chewed me up and spit me out at tenFound a bottle, found a blunt, found my oxygenEleven years old, smoke in my lungs felt like friendsCousins laughing loud when the poison kicked inDrinking made them love me, pills made the pain pretendTurned my shattered nights into beginnings againParties called my name, hands up when I walked inFrom the kid they jumped to the one they couldn’t endMoney started flowing when I learned to move the weightMid-teens stacking packages, turning fear to freightGenerous with the product, free bags for the faithfulBuilt a circle that would bleed for me, loyalty was sacredThey cheered when I showed up — hands in the airWhole room screaming loud like I was something rareFrom the hate in the hallways to the love in the lightsI became the king of wreckage, burning through the nightsCheers for the wreckage, pour it up, feel aliveDidn’t know I was already halfway through the diveNeon packed with girls, ten deep, two in the trunkBottles popping open when that car door got flungEcstasy and cocaine, moving tons through the sceneStole every dealer’s customers, lived like a fiendFour-hundred-pound Samoan put a price on my headI walked right up fearless, laughed at what he saidGod kept me breathing after every close callRan from sirens screaming, never took the fallThirty deep at their doorsteps when they tried to jump me onceIron in our hands, family don’t take the punchParties got darker, product got harder stillFriends started dropping, but the high paid every billHeroin whispered sweet on Bourbon Street that nightMardi Gras lights spinning while I lost the fightTwenty-seven pills laced with brown just to chase the dragon downBody shut off, heart stuttering, sinking to the groundRoom kept spinning, voices fading into blackThen a voice cut through the void — “Follow Me or don’t come back”I don’t want this kingdomI don’t want this crownWoke up still breathingBut the old me burned downThey cheered when I showed up — now the silence feels so loudFrom the cheers to the grave and back, I’m still above the groundWrapped in lights and poison, then stripped down to truthThe boy behind the veil just met the end of youthCheers for the wreckage… I survived the fallGod called my name… and I’m answering the callStill here…Still fighting…The party’s over…but the story keeps igniting…
Kingdom in The SkyWoke up from the blackout, voice still ringing in my soulFollow Me or don’t come back… so I gave it all, let go of controlDrowned in the old life, came up breathing brand new airChurch doors opened wide, I threw my whole self in thereForty hours volunteering, heart on fire, hands in prayerWrapped in scripture different now, no longer soaked in fearRan those kitchens like a general, taught young ones how to leadFrom disaster plates to national feasts, pouring out everything I bleedTook in my sister’s babies, six little hearts on the lineWalked in that courtroom with nothing but truth and fire, walked out with them mineTwo years raising warriors, loved them fierce through every fightGave them back when their father stepped up — did what I thought was rightThen she walked in like heaven in plain clothes, church girl ready for warThree more kids, blended family, we opened every doorEight months later married, two warriors side by sideTeaching parenting classes, changing lives, turning tears into prideWe were building kingdoms, hands together, hearts on firePower couple rising higher, lifting souls up higherSaving everybody else, carrying every weightMomma fighting cancer twelve years strong, still smiling through the painI was the man who fixed it all, the saint who never brokeGiving till the well ran dry but never spoke a word about the smokeKids laughing in the kitchen, church packed when we would speakGenerous with wisdom, generous with time, turning lost ones to the meekShe ran her businesses shining, I ran my kitchens cleanTogether we were unstoppable, living out the dreamMomma in the hospital bed still breathing miracle airI held her hand through every round, told her God was everywhereDidn’t matter how much I poured, I always found more to giveProving to the old ghosts that this broken boy could liveBut the mirror started whispering when the lights would fade awayThe man who saves the whole world forgot how to ask for graceWe were building kingdoms, hands together, hearts on firePower couple chasing glory, lifting souls up higherEverybody saw the hero, nobody saw the cracksThe saint who carried mountains never once looked backInside the armor, something quiet started to bleedMarriage getting heavy, conversations full of needI smiled for the cameras, preached love like I was freeBut the man behind the rescue couldn’t save what was happening to meI gave it all… gave it all…Carried the world so nobody else would fallBut the cracks are spreading… the foundation starts to shakeStill smiling for the cameras while everything begins to breakYeah we built those kingdoms, beautiful and brightPower couple burning glory in the middle of the nightBut the hero never asked for help, never showed the painNow the kingdoms we were building feel like beautiful chainsStill here… still fighting… still trying to be the lightBut something deep is cracking… in the middle of this heightFollow me or don’t come back… I thought I was following…But the cracks are getting louder…And I’m still giving everything…
Castles on the SandWe kept building higher… never saw the ground giving way…Follow Me or don’t come back… but I was running on empty every day…Woke up from the blackout, answered that call with everything I hadChurch became my armor, poured my soul in every taskVolunteered till my hands bled, ran those kitchens like a warTook in broken families, fought in courtrooms with no swordSister’s kids, then three more, blended hearts under one roofWife fighting tumors, watched God move and tell the truthWe stood beside my momma through twelve years of cancer painShowed up at every hospital, held her hand through every rainWe were power couple warriors, teaching love and leading strongKids fighting abusive shadows, we battled right where we belongedBut the more we gave the world, the less we filled our own cupThe man who saved everybody started breaking from the weight building upWe were fighting, still fighting, castles on the sandHolding up the whole damn world with these exhausted handsMiracles kept happening, tumors gone, kids set freeBut the cracks were spreading wider, nobody listening to meI was bipolar swinging high, then crashing to the floorNarcolepsy pulling me under, falling asleep behind the wheel once moreSixteen, eighteen hour days, then I sacrificed the kitchen crownJumped into sales, built a network, three hundred people riding my soundSold eighteen houses in a year, bonuses stacking like a dreamReal estate warrior for the family, pushing harder than it seemedChurch started cracking, money fights and angry screamsThe place I built my new life turned to dust behind the scenesOld demons I had buried started crawling back at nightDrugs I blocked out completely, trauma flashing in the lightMomma fading slower, marriage getting cold and thinI smiled for the cameras while the war raged under my skinWe were fighting, still fighting, castles on the sandPower couple turning fragile in the palm of God’s handEverybody saw the hero, nobody saw the costThe saint who carried mountains felt his own foundation lostBipolar lows came crashing, narcolepsy stole my daysWorking for the ones I love while my own body betrayedI gave it all for everyone, never asked for help or graceDepression crept in silent, put a shadow on my faceHealth collapsing, marriage cracking, church in flames around my feetStill I kept on building… too afraid to feel defeatI can’t keep holding… everything…The weight is too much… I can’t breathe…Still fighting for the kids… still fighting for my mom…But the man inside is breaking… and the darkness won’t stay goneYeah we were fighting, still fighting, castles on the sandEverything we built together slipping through my handsMomma holding on by miracle, kids caught in the stormI sacrificed my body just to keep the family warmThen the collapse came sudden… one week gone into the blackWoke up to a Bible thrown at my head, didn’t know how to come backStill here… barely breathing…The power couple fading…Castles on the sand… washing away…God… I answered Your call… but I’m drowning anyway…
Devils Blues (Manic to Fentanyl)We built castles in the sand… and we called them Castles in the Sky…Now the tide came in… and everything died…Woke up to a Bible cracking off my head, wife screaming in the darkMarriage over, kids left behind, couldn’t hold it together anymorePacked my bags, walked out the door, left the family I adoredReal estate talk with happy couples felt like knives straight to my coreFriends dropping like flies from the poison I once soldNearly a dozen gone forever, stories never getting oldThen Momma took her last breath… that was the final blowManic fire lit inside me — “I won’t quit, I’ll steal the show”I’ll be a chef again, run events, build my empire tallSeven events running, farms and businesses answering my callWorking twenty hours daily, nights bleeding into daysI’m still that powerful man… I can rewrite this painI’ll rebuild it all! I Alone can do this, See how high!Watch me rise from the ashes, give it one more try!Nothing’s gonna break me, I refuse to fall apartEven when the world took everything… I still got heart!But the high crashed harder than it ever had beforeCouldn’t talk to people, couldn’t sell houses anymoreLeft the business overnight finished catering the last wedding dayTried to end it in the silence… then chose to run awayDisappeared from everything I knew, everything I builtSix months in a bed, body broken, spirit killedNarcolepsy slamming me down, sleeping twenty-two hours straightTwo hours awake I couldn’t function, just existing in a hazeTrauma flashed like lightning in my brain every single dayChildhood knives and broken homes wouldn’t go awayLost my wife, lost the kids, lost my mom, lost my nameSat there in the darkness asking… where the hell You went, God?WHERE WERE YOU?! When the castles fell apart?!I gave You everything! I followed with my heart!Now I’m screaming at the ceiling, bipolar crashing lowNarcolepsy got me prisoner, nowhere left to go!Moved into a van… lost and cold insideRoommate tried to help me but I couldn’t even riseEvery day I thought of ending it, rope or gun or veinBut instead I reached for fentanyl… the devil’s newest chainFirst time the world had heard that name, it found me in my shameSmoked those blues till I didn’t wake… two whole years erasedWe built castles in the sand… called them Castles in the Sky…Now I’m buried underneath them… watching angels cryLost it all… lost it all… and You were nowhere nearGod if You can hear me… why’d You disappear?Fentanyl in my bloodstream… still somehow aliveThe man who fought through everything… barely wants to try…Still breathing… somehow…But the castles are gone…And I don’t know who I am anymore…
VegvisirFentanyl in my veins… still somehow alive…God where did You go… did You disappear when I died?Woke up lost in the wreckage, Alone, nothing but dreadMarriage gone, kids gone, mom in the ground, everything deadPacked what was left in the van, slapped Valkyrie on the backVegvisir compass shining — guide me out of the blackDrove into the silence screaming at the empty sky“Why’d You leave me here alone after I gave You my life?”But the road kept unfolding, like someone still steeringThrough the mountains and the heartbreak, something new appearingGrand Canyon taught me colors, childlike hands creating againYellowstone bears and geysers — I laughed with myself in the windCraters of the Moon, black rock and stars overheadPiece by piece the broken boy started lifting up his headAlaska gave me peace, silence in length while the bears showed me fear and great strengthVegvisir guiding… through the roughest waters I’ve knownValkyrie carrying me where the healing winds have blownFrom the fentanyl floor to the rim of the skyGod started speaking softly through the road and through my eyesLake Valhalla in Nevada, water mirror calm and deepStood there with every version of me I used to bury and keepThe church kid, the fighter, the addict, the saintThe one who sold his soul just to hear the party faintI spoke to the child with the knife still at his throatTold him “You’re safe now, I’ve got you, you don’t have to float”Brought them all into my arms, forgave the things I’d doneStarted falling in love again… with the man I’d becomeEvery mile a confession, every state a prayerGod wasn’t gone — He was riding shotgun thereVegvisir guiding! Through the storms inside my chestValkyrie rolling forward on this unlikely questFrom the darkness of the van to the light breaking throughI was learning how to live… learning how to trust in YouThe road became my church, the stars became my choirEvery trauma flash fading slower by the mileI was dead but still driving… searching for what’s trueAnd somewhere in the silence… I felt YouVegvisir guiding me… all the way to IdahoWhere the river called my name and the boulders waited belowCharlie on the bank, thirty days about to startBut first I went underwater… twenty feet into the darkTrapped beneath the stone… air running thin…Heart screaming “Not yet”… as the current closed me in…Vegvisir… don’t fail me now…Valkyrie… rise…
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